Having criss crossed the continent for the better part of 12 hours we arrived at Broome Airport on a sunny Wednesday afternoon only to be greeted waves of nostalgia for the Sunshine Coat, no Ubers, no Taxis and no way to get to our accommodation. After some wait and a furtive negotiation with a fellow traveller, we managed to shanghai a Taxi to Cable Beach.

Unfortunately, at this stage we were unaware of the maestro of the magic carpet – Moh. It’s worth pointing that Moh was a little stressed by our method of accounting, but eventually he accepted that 8 into 7 did go.

The ensuing days were relaxing, especially as Sue and I had foregone the tour of the Mosquito farm to send some more time at Matsos. The Snubfin Dolphin cruise was a lot of fun and although it is technically correct, I reckon if they called them Snubnosed Dolphins it would make for far better marketing.

The house we stayed in was remarkable with the only downside being the clogged bathroom sink, but since was Marks & Liz’s room no one really cared.

A pleasant evening was spent at some drinking establishment where you spent most of the time queueing for drinks but were rewarded by the phenonium known as the staircase to the moon. Whilst this was impressive even more impressive was everyone pissed off from the bar so the more important things could be attended to.

We also met Glenn who it turned out was the engineer on the ship we were about to embark upon, and I also managed to hone my photographic skills. More on both things later.

On the final night in Broome we had a lovely dinner at a restaurant overlooking Cable Beach which didn’t disappoint. The Beautiful sunset framing a camel train on the beach and a majestic old sloop out to sea.

The next day we packed up and readied ourselves for the huge and exciting adventure on True North. In the late afternoon we picked up in a van driven by a lady who some serious shit going on with her hair, there was a story there, but I can’t remember what it was.

Down to the beach where we were offloaded onto the sand and told to remove our footwear, it was bare feet for the next week. They loaded us onboard a tender and ferried us to the ship, it was immaculate, gleaming white with its very own helicopter, this was going to be good.

As we hopped onboard and introductions made the only name I remembered was Glenn, who hadn’t even been introduced. Initially he professed ignorance of us, but as the fog cleared the recollections of our earlier meeting began to return. When the realisation that Glenn really was the Engineer on our boat,I had visions of the SS Minnow and couldn’t help but think he would make a brilliant Gilligan. There were a few other candidates for Gilligan’s Island, but you can work them out.

That evening was a blur, a quick tour of the boat, an explanation that cabin doors were to be left open when not inside, followed by a safety briefing which was as captivating as those on a plane, followed by dinner and then more drinks in the bar. The next morning found us at the Longitude Islands followed by the Horizontal Falls and the horrible realisation that breakfast was at 06:30.

Having grazed our way through an excessive breakfast it was off to the tenders for our first fishing adventure. Our guide for this first trip was Mad Harry, it took about 30 seconds to realise that Harry suffered from a chronic case of HDAD, but he was the most entertaining of all the guides. We were off trolling and Barry, Anna and Sue all caught beauties, alas neither Dutto or I had the chance to have a go before we had to return to the ship and get ready for our first Helicopter trip and my first ever helicopter flight. Flying over the Talbot Bay, Koolan and Cockatoo Islands and then the Horizontal Falls was an experience never to be forgotten, unfortunately we were to experience so many unforgettable experiences that I may have forgotten some.

Breathless and back onboard it was time for lunch of Duck and Asian salad, it was described by the Chef, Hannah, in far more exotic terms and was brilliant.

After lunch there was brief time to go back to the room, that had been immaculately made up, freshen up and then onto the tenders for a trip through one of the two Horizontal Falls. We were so lucky to be able to experience this nature made thrill ride and this was heightened when we found out that in 2028 this will be banned by the local tribes.

Back onboard for another safety drill and just time for a quick shower, the rooms had been tidied up yet again, then up to the bar for snacks and pre dinner drinks. It’s worth noting that Pommy Geoff has a longstanding vow not to have a drink before 6:00pm and he was still true to this on night two.

Downstairs for dinner and an outline of the next day’s activities and confirmation that it was a 06:30 start yet again.

Having received this sobering news, we hurried up to the bar for a few more drinks.

Everyone was starting to get the hang of things by next morning, the dress code and application of makeup had noticeably dropped off at breakfast as we all started to relax in our new environment.

After Breakfast Sue, Liz and I joined Moz on a trip through the Montgomery Reef, while the others took to the helicopter and viewed the reef from above. My memory may a bit shaky, but I believe this was when Shayne had his helicopter wardrobe malfunction.

As ever Moz was the font of all knowledge, and I was a little relieved there wasn’t a test when we got back to the boat. He did a bit of a detour on the way back and we landed on a sandbar in the middle of the reef that was only available at dead low tide.

These were the little things that made the trip so unique. Back onboard Moz then gave a talk on the Kimberley’s which had everyone engaged, he sure knows his shit… I think. Lunch, Garden Salad Monegasque with Maple speck and Truffle croutons, I only mention this because I didn’t know what is then and still don’t. With lunch still trying to digest itself we took off on the tenders up Red Cone Creek to Sapphire Falls, hopping of the tenders we then commenced ‘our walk over some uneven & loose rocks which requires a few large step’. Whilst taking a large step Anna (If it was a large step for Anna imagine how the rest of us coped) lost her balance and is only quick work from Moz that saved the day.

The falls were amazing and beginning a theme that was to carry on for the entire trip we each dared one another to go for a swim, and all ended up having a ball in the water. No time for a shower, it was up to the bar to listen to the Skipper, Gav, give a talk on the True North schedule, whilst a thinly disguise job it was surprisingly interesting, and it turned out their main liaison in PNG was an old school mate of mine.

There was time for a shower, and we were still making an effort to dress to dinner, but prior to eating there was not an even thinly disguised sell job for jewels. I think Barry and Anna had a look and I spotted Pommy Geoff at 5:30, drink in hand, heading in that direction. He was starting to slip, but as he pointed out with good reason.

After dinner during the recap of the day Anna was presented with the golden binoculars for her spectacular photo of a sea snake. I so wish I had never bought my camera. Breakfast at 06:30 next morning and people were rolling straight out of bed into the dining room for breakfast. There was a beautifully presented eggs Hollandaise, but muesli, fruit and coffee was the quicker and easier option. We were all excited this morning as it was fishing, and we scored Harry again. We all caught decent fish and when he took us up a reek for the last hour things heated up and Harry found a couple of holes that very productive. We chucked the bulk of them back, but the thrill was in the chase.

Back for Lunch and a rare bit of downtime before we entered the lagoon that hid the King Cascade waterfall. Gav steered the boat into the waterfall, and everyone had their photos taken under the Falls, all great fun as mobiles were handed around. The two Sue’s elected to take a hike up to the source of the Falls, quite an exhilarating feat from all reports.

Those of us less adventurous hopped on a tender to the Amphitheatre Waterfall where we were given another Kimberley Shower. This time joining Anna and Barry at the front of the tender we went under the falls and at the perfect moment Poseidon decided to unleash his full fury on me and attempt to drown me under hundreds of cubic metres of cascading water. I don’t think I’ve laughed so much.

Trying to wipe the smile off my face we headed back to the boat for sunset drinks on the bow watching the sun descend magnificently below the horizon and Pommy Geoff cracking his first drink at 5:15pm, but who was counting?

Bastards, Wednesday breakfast at 06:00, not sure about the other passengers but coffee and orange juice were far more attractive than the crispy bacon, fried egg and Zhoug sauce, anyway what is Zhoug sauce and who cares at that time of day? Liz, Sue and I hopped a tender to do some fishing, this time we had Hunter driving the tender. I think he may have seen that Liz’s sea legs were a trifle shaky, so he took us out of the inlet into an estuary and finally into Prince Frederick Harbour.

The commentary was interesting as ever, but the farther way from the ship we got the less interested Liz got. Finally, we started fishing and had yet another successful outing. Unfortunately, Hunter had lost track of time, and we had to get back for a 11:00 Helicopter trip to Mitchell Falls. So, Hunter turner the tender about and headed for home. Straight into the chop for forty minutes.

At one stage Hunter caringly to Liz to enquire as her welfare, we all took her unintelligible grunt as a reply in the affirmative and kept up the kidney jarring return to the boat. We arrived back with about ten minutes before the chopper departed, just time for a quick piss and to top up the water bottles, two different operations obviously.

Leigh whisked us up to the Falls with a few little detours on the way, pointing out different things that were wildly interesting at the time, but are now stumbling around lost in the memory.

We here met at Mitchell Falls by Glenn, our hero. Now Glenn’s forte is the engine room, but he gave the guiding thing a red hot go and what he lacked in delivery was more than amply compensated for by his laid back demeanour.

This was yet another highlight that were accompanied many photos and a truly good time. Back in time for a midday lunch of Chicken Karaage with a Poke Salad and another quick turnaround to go mud crabbing.

Now chucking a few crab pods into the mangroves and then pulling them out fifteen minutes later may seem a little mundane, but as you soon work out, nothing is mundane in the Kimberley’s. Firstly, when Harry is in charge life just gets that little bit faster, then we were introduced to MJ the albino croc with which we had a running battle.

MJ and his mates decided that we had to share the crabs, the bait and the nets if we wanted to hunt in their waters. Just to remind us of who was in charge. At one stage one of the sneaky beasts took a liking to Anna and had climbed a branch was eyeing her off from about a foot away.

The speed with which she threw herself into Barry’s arm was ever so romantic. We took a good catch back to the boat, a job well done 5:00pm dinks and Pommy Geoff’s idea of 6:00pm was well and truly discounted.

That evening we had what I felt was the best meal of the trip, but for reasons best known to themselves the crowded us onto the bar deck to eat. It was a bit too crowded and would be only thing I reckon they got wrong on the entire trip. But it was the roaring 20’s night and everyone got dressed up in the outfits supplied and started to party.

Not too hard though as there was an 06:30 start in the morning. The highlight was the dance routine that both Sue’s and Anna got up a joined in to the bemusement of everyone watching.

Apparently, there were party games, but I had gone to bed by that stage and can only report that Barry was picking up cardboard boxes with his teeth. Guess you had to be there. After another early start it was fishing in Vansittart Bay, Harry was in charge yet again. Barry and I caught a couple of good ones early on, but poor Anna missed.

We spent most of the morning unsuccessfully chasing schools of bait fish. Back onboard and we hopped the Chopper for a flight to Eagle Falls for a BBQ lunch put on by Jasper and Hannah. Landing on the waterfall then taking off after lunch were two or the more awe-inspiring moments we experienced. Eagle Falls was pretty shit hot too, a beautiful swimming spot under yet another magnificent waterfall was a few minutes’ walk away and provided some of the more adventurous the chance for a bit of high diving

Getting back to the boat about 3:30 provided us with a bit more free time than we were used to after a shower and change of clothes we ended up at the bar about 4:30 and thought why not. It was no problem opening the bar early and by this time Pommy Geoff had given up on 6:00pm and he and Anthea joined in the merriment.

After dinner we received some good news, breakfast was at 07:00, our only sleep in of the trip. I would like to say we partied hard, but we didn’t. But there was more, Sue K received the Captain Nemo award for her services to fishing. What a cap with a dildo on it had to fishing is beyond me, but we were all excited, nonetheless. Fried eggs, with chipolatas on a sourdough crumpet was on the menu for breakfast, after having it explained that was in fact sausages and eggs, I hopped in for a most enjoyable repast.

After breakfast some of us went on the walk to ‘The Grotto’, others went on the King George River flight, and out of sheer desperation I went on the trip to the Fountain of Youth waterfall. It wasn’t. But once again, due some late rainfall a few weeks earlier there was plenty of water in all of the Falls and we were surrounded by awe and beauty wherever we went.

It’s worth noting that every time we took off the boat in on the tenders we were surrounding by sharks and on more than a few occasions there were crocodiles keeping an eye out for the next Ginger Meadows.

Late in the morning a few of us did the engine room tour with the legend that was Glenn. We came away with a huge amount of respect for both Glenn and Aston, looking after the engines only scratched the surface of what they did, and the cleanliness below decks was amazing.

Lunch was self-catered, we finally got eat some of the fish we caught and enjoyed an extremely tasty meal of fish and chips. Nothing like eating your own catch. That afternoon was the final tender tour as we were whisked away to the Twin Waterfalls.

Even if this was the only natural wonder we saw on the trip, I would have been well satisfied, both waterfalls next to each other pouring water from 80 metres was something to behold. It may have been more or less than 80 metres but stats were becoming a tad hazy by then.

Back to the boat for a quick freshen up and then we were ferried across to the beach for sunset drinks and snacks comprising mud crabs and smoked fish. The crew had constructed a pyre which they lit as the sun set for our last evening on board the True North.

It was an outstanding way to end the trip, however tinged with more than a little sadness that the real world awaited us.

Sorry, Pommy Geoff was asking me for an Asahi at 4:00pm, well and truly cured.

Back onboard we had a dinner which we really didn’t need after the beach snacks, but we ate on dutifully. The last official item was a presentation put together by Liam that captured some of the beauty and excitement of what had been a wonderful dream. Fortunately, we have heaps of photos to prove it was real.

Tony, one of our fellow travellers, nailed it when he thanked the crew on our behalf, pointing out that it was their good humour, hard work and professionalism that made the trip.

To add insult to the injury of having to leave breakfast was served at 06:00, it was a sombre bunch that munched our way through whatever was on our plates as we prepared to leave. We spent our last minutes upstairs chatting amongst ourselves and watching the crew get everything ready for our departure.

Finally, we trudged up to the helicopter deck where the crew was waiting to farewell, it was an emotional moment for us all we shook hands and hugged them, there trooped onto the bus the Kununurra. Thanks Barry & Anna!!